Here I am, sitting beside my mom. No she doesn't look beautiful anymore. She is covered in drapes, yellow and peach, and is wearing an oxygen mask fighting with all the life that's left in her. And here I am, helpless. I wish I could say that life is flashing past my eyes at this moment. No, that's not happening. She is slowly fading away. Nothing's a flash, nothing's quick, and nothing's painless.
It's been three days since she's been like this. I called out to her yesterday; she barely noticed me. I was wearing a shady set of clothes, thought she would at least say something, be angry at my neglect, my arrogance. She didn't. I could only ask her, "Maa you mad at me?" and she nodded a no. No words, no sound, just a nod. That's all she has ever told me in the last three days. We are always told that as the littlest of children when we couldn't speak she could understand everything, right? Now then, when she is unable to speak, why am I failing her? Why am I failing the one person in her hour of utmost need?
Guys, if you ever read this, just call your mom and tell her you love her. Please do this... not as a therapy, not as a formality... just say it once. You know what the world's greatest disease is? It's not cancer, not war nor sugar... Its regret. I regret not having said it earlier. Now she can't hear me. I wish I had spent more time with her, talked to her more often; all she wanted to hear were my stories. Wish I had more stories for her, wish I could make her laugh. I wish I had done more for her. And now... she's fading away.
If she comes back to me, I will just hug her and tell her that I love her...hold her back... Mummy please... don't go.
